the_feroxian

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 15:01:37 GMT

Okay, so obviously I'm still capable of nightmares...

It basically went like this:

There's this very beautiful camp-ground-ish lake place with a big shore and lots of hills leading up to a cliff-face. Reminds me of Chelan in terms of the beauty and presence, but not in appearance, and it's way smaller than chelan. It's very wooded about 40 yards from the shore in a big arc. Lots of teenagers and young adults are camping here. There are a few cabins sparesely placed through the woods, but the one of prominence is the one that is on/in the cliff. It's built into the side of the cliff and extends over the top of it. Looks like it could be a resort if it wanted to be.

So I'm in a car or something and i drive in there through a small little town which has nothing more than a gas station, general store, creepy building, and a few houses. I park or something i guess (doesn't actually show). Basically the mood on the beach is really party-ish, and really positive n stuff. No possibility of stupid people and drama. Just fun. Or so i thought. Now i find myself in a staircase that extends to the upper levels of the cliff-cabin, connecting the rooms that face out from the cliff towards the lake. I get to the top and look in, but that floor is all rotted with holes and stuff so i didn't go in, and went down a floor, only to find these assholes (finally?) blocking me, and trying to give me shit. Basically we're standing off, and I'm able to reposition myself so that I'm able to run down the stairs if I need to, and they're where i was.

That's the end of the normal part.

So now we're still giving eachother shit and then this doctor looking guy in a lab coat with a gauze mask comes out of the rotted floor room with this needle thing, walks up behind the main guy of the ass-pack, whom are still unaware of his precence, and sticks the damn needle into the back of his skull! WTF OK NIGHTMARE. So his skull, get this, melts (the bone i mean) And so basically its just his brain and his skin, and the skin pops from the point of entry, and his head basically explodes out the back, and his face deflates... The rest of us are staring at what has just happened, and then one of the ass-pack members tries to bolt down the stairs. The doctor throws his needlething at the back of his skull and we watch the same thing happen as it did to the other guy. We we're freaking out. Since he threw his needle thing we were able to get the fuck away from him down the stairs.

[Really bad segue to outside]

Now I'm arguing with the rest of the ass-pack on this hill close to the beach near a little swingset n such. They're still giving me shit, which is messed up because they're acting like nothing just happened or what happened was because of me. One of the assholes has apparently promoted himself to explodey's position, and decides it's best to try and beat the crap out of me. I run, of course, and then the dream ends right in the middle of this chase.

I can still describe the color and texture of his head-contents. I remember seeing them splatter in one of the other assholes' face...It was disgusting, horrifying, and almost gut-wrenching. Such a messed up dream.

I have no words.

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 17:13:10 GMT

i made some progress yesterday at work.

mind you, I try to be very prescise in almost everything I do. And with this I analyze how wind acts on its own. Random spontaneous bursts that last mere seconds, 4 at most. I make sure of these times; know the limits of the average strength of the wind at any given time. 4 seconds max, average 2.5.

I've also been looking for triggers. The consensus around the community is that you have to be able to do something accidentally before you can do it on purpose. Whether or not I agree with that is still up in the air. However, I take everything at face value first and foremost, then take the deeper connotations as I get comfortable with the new information. With that said, I've created a sort of hybrid technique where instead of trying to force the wind to blow, I let it do its own random spurts thing. When a spurt happens, i take it and I extend it. This was the first time it worked, because of how I kept my mind balanced between a feeling of control and a feeling of ambivalence, all wrapped up in a feeling of severe determination.

The 'burst' lasted 10 seconds. It died as soon as I started realizing the breakthrough i was making.

I'm getting closer.

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 16:43:24 GMT

ARG

So I've been sick the past few days, and it's really been sucking hard. Getting a lot of sleep, though. Apparently when you're sick your mind can sometimes get retarded? I don't know, but I had some stupid dreams. One right after another. The most prominent was that my step-dad had the T.V. on really loud, so I go out into the living room and fight with him to turn it down, but he's being a total dick about it (which is very uncharacteristic of him). After a lot of yelling and arguing he turns it down (after turning it up even more to spite me), and I go into my room to lay back down in my bed. I get into my bed and try to go back to sleep, which is when I realize I was dreaming. My step-dad had long since gone to bed.

So I go back to sleep for real, and then imagine that I've noticed some txt messages from my girlfriend on my phone, which is with me and my iPod in my bed. I try to look at them, and then I realize my phone's not actually there. Upon reaching consciousness again I look over at my computer to see my phone plugged into it (on the other side of the room). My iPod is sitting in its dock, not far from the phone. The dreams keep on messing with my head!

The next morning I woke up and got ready to go see the doctor. I kept having this fear that I'd dream something else randomly and...well, they don't feel like dreams really, more like false memories...of stuff that couldn't have happened. Like just this morning as I woke up I discovered that I had left City of Heroes running (even though I went through the motions to logoff and exit the night before) but I figured, "hey, if windows does it, why not CoH?" I also notice that someone named NP had sent me a message, through the friends channel (meaning we were friends) that read, "friends?". Not only is this strange because of the fact that somehow I knew he was talking to me (it's incredibly hard to figure out who's talking to who in the friends channel, just because of its nature), but because I haven't said anything to NP in a few weeks. Then I wake up. None of it happened. SO ANNOYING.

Not really sure why it happens...I'll need to analyze more dream events...

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 19:31:39 GMT

I'll be starting a journal soon... Mostly as a dream journal. I need to start writing the good ones down :)